Promoting Giving Tendencies
In this blog we share some practical strategies for promoting giving tendencies in children, by helping to satisfy their three basic psychological needs (as per Self Determination Theory), namely their needs for a sense of Autonomy, Competence and Relatedness.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Giving can become something your child loves to do!
And there are so many ways your child can give: presents of course, but also their time and attention to another child, or some little thing they've made that they want to give to nana or your neighbour. Parents and carers can play an important role in nurturing kids' natural giving tendencies by helping to make the experience of giving an emotionally and psychologically rewarding one. According to Self Determination Theory, children can develop the motivation to engage in giving tendencies when their 3 Basic Psychological Needs are being met under those giving circumstances*. These are their need for a sense of Autonomy, Competence and Relatedness. Let's look at an example to make this idea more concrete.
You and your child have made something together. Let’s say you baked some biscuits together, but really, it could be anything: a cake, marmalade, clay monsters, flower posies, …there are a million things you could make together! The tips described below would apply to all these things that you might have created with your child.
Firstly...
DON'T just finish making the biscuits, eat a few together, then move on to a new activity.
INSTEAD, suggest to your child that they give some of the biscuits to someone they care about (a friend, a teacher, another parent or a neighbour). You could even make that suggestion AS you’re making the biscuits.
Then, try to satisfy your child's 3 basic psychological needs in some of the ways described below.
1. Maximize their experience of Autonomy, by letting your child be in ‘the driving seat’ of decisions along the way, such as:
• who to give the biscuits to
• which container to put the biscuits in
• which biscuits to put in the box
• how to arrange the biscuits in the box
• what colour ribbon to tie around the box
• when and how to deliver the biscuits etc
2. Maximize their experience of Competence, by trying to make your child feel capable and competent (without engaging in ‘over-praise’):
• while your child is making the biscuits with you, praise them in specific ways
• give suggestions for improved competence and admire their improvements
• comment on how well they arrange the biscuits in the box so they wouldn’t get crushed
• comment on how well they decorate the box or stick the ribbon on it
• comment on how good the gift looks and how well they’ve done in creating it
3. Maximize their experience of Relatedness, by making your child feel that they matter, and that what they do for others matters:
• show love for your child as you bake: eye contact, cuddles, giggles, kisses etc
• show you care about them by asking about their experience (baking or other news)
• talk about how much the other person is going to love what your child has made
• help your child imagine the other person’s pleasure in receiving (eating!) the gift
• when your child gives the biscuits, help them notice what it means to the other person
• encourage your child to enjoy how it made them feel to make someone else happy
• help them notice that giving feels good .
We hope this has been helpful but for a full understanding of the development of tendencies and the key role that motivation plays in this process, sign up for our Foundations Program where you'll hear all about this and SO much more.
Curren, R & Ryan, R. (2020). Moral self-determination: The nature, existence, and formation of moral motivation. Journal of Moral Education, 49, 3. Pp295-315
